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WV Proud

Church Humor

Speaking publicly, and not making a fool of yourself, is an acquired skill.  Once you get over the fear of being in the front of other people, then you can begin to refine your vocal techniques.  Sure, it’s easy to take the time to write something, but speaking from notes is only a little more comforting than speaking extemporaneously.  Here are four rambling pages of some things I’ve heard spoken from the pulpit; whether or not these funnies are a factor of my hearing, the speaker, or background noise, they still make me chuckle.  Most of this humor below results from transposition, colloquialisms and contextomy. And yes, I know the difference between raining and reigning; but my mind heard raining… ☺

Church Humor, Page 1

Laughter

Tipsy topsy
Stand if you would me & turn to
As brother Dane leads us with another confrontational song
Worshiping a mountain because it's an animated object
They saw the miraculous take place
They are murmuring in their unobedience
Looking to die of hungry
I don't have any quills about it
Tem petuous personality
Ascared
Flustrated, flustrating
Tiltering
Unbuilding
Shabbles
Let's "do" the visitors
A tremendous alot of
Inectuities
A place where soldiers can come apart from
A widow woman, without a husband
It doesn't matter which side of the tracks you were raised under
It's not the ingredient God placed upon salvation
Lets close for just a minute
Turn it on for a little bit
Shooting automatic bullets
Get away from trends of life
The problem is with kids being absorbed by Harry Potter stories
Past or presents
Frightened to pieces
I'm going to reiterate them again
Ink-ubator
Tickuler needs
Do it out of duress
The thing i'm trying to get across at
Let's spread our appetites a little
Who wants to volunteer all at one time?
To reiterate it again
Some imitation slips to invite people to church
I think ... Probably
I thought about it a little bit
Light is a pure form of light
Go in to it with the right perspection
Over about 30 years ago
We do a lot of things what we do
Over those period of times
I'm not making that indication
Let me get plugged on
Disappraying God
It wasn't a diffunctional family